A Player In Distress
by Utsusemi
Summary: Kaides is a playwright with her traveling group The Dragon's Men, but the night they're to perform for the King's Own returning from battle, a few things go amiss. Better summary when I'm less tired.
1. Once upon An Eventuality

Disclaimer: I sold my soul to ff.net, do you actually think I own anything legally?  
  
Author's Notes: Due to an entirely 'coincidental' writers block, I've postponed the final chapter of my other fic, 'Spades' (certain reviewers will understand), so I'm posting this instead.  
  
Summary: Set after Kel's series, the war had just ended. Kaides (pronounce KAI-deese) is a playwright who travels with her band of players, the Dragon's Men. When she meets with the Third Company, however she finds herself trapped, participating in something that usually doesn't come with the job description of being a playwright.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The scene was a crowded inn, waitresses laughing and flirting as they handed out drinks. Men sat in front of the roaring fire drinking. Girls danced while one man played a fiddle and others clapped. And in one dark corner, a sinister conversation was being held.  
  
"We are in need of the riddance of certain...persons." One man said, his eyes hidden by the darkness of his hood.  
  
Across from him sat a woman of pale complexion, with dark brown eyes and chocolate brown hair in tight ringlets tied in a high ponytail. She smiled evilly and said, "Um..." Her smile changed to the grin of someone helpless and confused. "Wait! Wait!" She waived a hand desperately, "I know this line! Really I do! Don't say it, don't say it!"  
  
"Kai, the line was, 'Who?'. It's not that hard." There was a groan from another one of the actors.  
  
"It's not my fault! I'm not cut out for acting; I'm a playwright, not a player." Kai protested.  
  
"If you can't remember your lines tonight we're doomed." The players across from her informed her of what she already knew.  
  
"I understand that. It's not my fault Josiah left. I don't think I should have to play his part."  
  
"You drove him off after he saw you bathing! How is that not your fault?"  
  
"We ought to postpone the play." Kai avoided answering the question.  
  
"We've been hired to act out this play, we don't have a choice. It's either now or we don't get paid."  
  
"We were hired?" Kai asked, surprised.  
  
"By the king, no less. He wants us to perform for the King's Own. Since they're returning from the war, they're to meet us here in the woods. If you ever paid attention to things other than your writing you'd know this. We've hardly talked about anything else."  
  
"Would you rather you had a mediocre playwright who paid attention to unimportant things?"  
  
"No, but it would be nice if you listened to things other than the scribbling of your pen."  
  
"My writing would suffer." Kai replied stiffly.  
  
The others sighed and one of them finally said, "Let's run through it one more time."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
About five hundred one-more-times later, it was that evening, and the traveling actors had set up their stage and were waiting for the second and third companies to show up.  
  
"Go look for someone out in the woods, Kai, they're late." The leader of the group finally ordered Kai.  
  
"Fine, Lian, whatever you say." Kai muttered and slung her crossbow around her shoulder and went out to look for the King's Own, though she had no idea what she was looking for.  
  
She had been searching for some time when she found a drink. Kneeling down to drink briefly, she stood back up and turned around to find a tall man hovering over her shoulder. After a brief gasp of surprise, she clumsily tried to take her crossbow off her shoulder, managing the get him swearing after she accidentally hit him in the head with the end of it.  
  
After a moment of trying to anchor it on her should, she succeeded and aimed it to the man's face, which was less than two inches from the arrow.  
  
"I could've killed you before you even got that to your shoulder." The man stated calmly and pushed the arrow down. "You would need to be more prepared in a war."  
  
"I'm not going to be in any wars any time soon. But if I find myself unexpectedly in one, I'll be sure to go to you for help." Kai snapped but didn't bother to place the bow back into aiming position.  
  
"Since we're on such close terms then, I don't suppose you could tell me where to find the acting group Dragon's Men?"  
  
"Why do you want to know?" Kai looked at him suspiciously.  
  
"I was hoping to see one of their plays tonight."  
  
"We're busy. We're performing for the King's Own tonight." Kai replied evenly.  
  
"I'm a commanding officer in the King's Own," The man informed Kai.  
  
"Oh. Well then..." Kai fumbled, "I'll send someone to show your men the way then."  
  
"That would be kind of you, though perhaps it would be more convenient if you would show us the way."  
  
"It would not." Kai snapped and left the clearing.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The men in the King's Own were seated on the ground in front of the stage. And then the announcement of the character and their actors began.  
  
"King Maran, played by William Font; Queen Cianne, played by Gregory Thistle; the Priest, played by..." The list went on for some time, each actor strutting out onto the stage as they were announce. "And last, but certainly not least, the Assassin, played by our very own playwright, Kaides Green!"  
  
There were several loud crashes and a shout, "You.... Can't.... Make me!" And Kai was propelled on stage despite much resistance on her part. The others pushed her to the center of the stage and tried to run off stage, which only resulted in Kai falling over backwards. She then instantly ran off stage once more.  
  
She appeared several seconds later. At least, her legs appeared, parallel to the ground with several people pulling at her desperately.  
  
"Let go of the beam!" One of the men pulling on her cried.  
  
"Never! I'm not going out there!" Kai retorted. But her shout was drowned out by a loud groan and the sound of wood snapping. Several seconds later, the half of the stage crashed to the ground.  
  
And the lone survivor of the melee rose out of the sawdust. She stood on the pile of what had once been the stage and said, in the dramatic way that all lone survivors do, "I told you we should have used oak t make the stage."  
  
"Shut up, Kai."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai walked into the inn that was, in fact, a real inn. They had been practicing in the woods just outside of a small town where they were planning to perform another play the next night. Or had been, before the stage and been destroyed.  
  
"Weapon please." A man stood by the door holding out his hand expectantly.  
  
"Of course," Kai handed him her crossbow. He bent under its weight. "Special make." She replied, before he could even ask.  
  
She walked over to the bartender and requested a cider.  
  
"Doesn't a pretty girl like you want something a bit stronger?" The bartender winked.  
  
"I'm fifteen. I don't drink." Kai raised an eyebrow. "I'm not here to get drunk."  
  
"What are you here to do then?" A voice from beside her asked.  
  
Kai found herself sitting next to a knight from the King's Own. "Write, what else?"  
  
"In a bar?" He gave her a look.  
  
"I like the atmosphere, what can I say?" Kai shrugged and pulled a few scrolls of paper out of her pack. "What're you doing here?"  
  
"The men are being given a free stay here for the night. Let's just say all of us are enjoying real beds for a change. I'm Domitan of Masbolle." He grinned warmly, "And you are?"  
  
A woman with light brown hair and soft brown eyes sat next to the man. Beside her was a young boy. "Dom, who's this?" She smiled kindly at Kai.  
  
"No one important." Kai muttered and made to stand when Kel grabbed her hand.  
  
"I need ask you something." She insisted.  
  
Kai sat down eyeing the woman warily. "What do you want?"  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: Bet you have no idea what happens next! Really! Cause I don't! I stopped it here because I have to figure out what happens next. Yippee! Sorry if you consider the chapter a bit short, my first chapters are always shorter than the rest (I have to end them at just the right spot). 


	2. And the Story Continues

Disclaimer: I gave up owning anything long ago. Enough said.  
  
Author's Notes: Thank you to everyone who reviewed! Especially loyal reviewers, treanz-alyce and Hisako-chan, who've already been reading Spades. I'm too lazy to write a long Author's Note (as I tend to do) because I don't have anything to say. No contests to announce. Or anything of the like. And I've finally decided the final plot. Yay for me!  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai looked at Kel warily and waited for the Lady Knight to say something.  
  
"Well, where is the Dragon's Men heading next?" Kel finally asked.  
  
"Nowhere, until we can fix the stage." Kai shrugged, "Why do you care to know?"  
  
"What are you planning to do then? From now until then?" Dom caught a look from Kel and followed her tactics.  
  
"Write, what else? I'll have the time, and we'll be able to present a few in Corus." Kai decided not to mention that they hadn't answered her question.  
  
"Have you ever been out of Tortal?" Kel ignored Kai's reply.  
  
"I'm from Tusaine. I travel nearly everywhere."  
  
"Ever been to Tyra?" Dom grinned and winked at Kel.  
  
"We were planning on going there after Corus. But as of yet no." Kai eyed Kel suspiciously, "And knight or no, tell me what you're up to."  
  
"Do you have any talents in compromising? I mean, are you any good at acting as a diplomat?"  
  
"What's it to you?" Kai glared at the two, who Kai swore seemed to be suppressing smiles.  
  
"Well..." Dom seemed on the verge of telling.  
  
"Can't help you until you tell me what you want."  
  
"We need a diplomat in our interactions in Tyra," He grinned lopsidedly, "You'd be treated like nobility for a few weeks; it'd be like a vacation from writing. Really, you'd hardly have to do anything."  
  
Kai groaned. "Don't you have nobles who handle that sort of thing? Why me?"  
  
"Tyra is a... difficult country. We'd rather not give one of our nobles as a diplomat."  
  
"So I'm a sacrifice?! You don't want to have any noble deaths on your hands so you'll give them me instead?"  
  
"N-not exactly. More like we'd rather they not be held hosta--" Dom yelped and rubbed his shin.  
  
"We've just heard that writers tend to be very talented diplomats." Kel interrupted, "Very good at sounding knowledgeable about things they have no idea about and such. (AN: This is entirely true. Debaters too.) You won't have to worry about being murdered. We've never known them to kill the diplomats."  
  
"And how many diplomats have you sent before? And for that matter, how many returned?"  
  
"Oh, we've never sent a diplomat before. We've never had much interaction with them. But there are several land disputes including a few precious jem mines, that they seem particularly attached to, so we've agreed to send a diplomat." Dom smiled encouragingly.  
  
"And you want me to go because I'm a writer so I'm automatically good at such things?"  
  
"Are you?"  
  
"Well, I suppose." Kai sighed and then added quickly, "Not the best, mind you. I'm sure you could find better. And I have no idea about politics."  
  
Kel grinned, "Don't worry about that. We have plenty of books on the matter."  
  
"And I don't really have a choice on the matter, do I?"  
  
"If you did, we probably wouldn't have suggested it to you." Kel glared at no one in particular, "And we didn't have much choice in the matter either. I'm certainly not thrilled about it."  
  
"When do I leave? I mean, the group will need to find a new playwright, what with me being gone."  
  
"With the King's Own. Tomorrow." Dom grimaced. "Sorry it's so soon."  
  
"If it's all right, I'll stay with the group tonight and announce it in the morning."  
  
"Certainly. But we leave at dawn, and you may not be awake by then."  
  
"Have are you insane?" Kai looked at Dom incredulously, "That late? We're up hours before dawn, normally. Setting up and such." Before Kel and Dom could even retort indignantly, Kai left, retrieving her crossbow.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Now look, you lot," Kai sat down at the breakfast table. The sky above was still dark, giving only the slightest hints that the sun would, in fact, indulge everyone by rising.  
  
"But you can't leave, Kai!" William protested, "You're part of the family."  
  
"And everyone knows that eldest siblings have to move out eventually." Kai replied evenly.  
  
"Not funny," he muttered, "You knew what I meant."  
  
"I know you used a metaphor that would be tortured severely if I ever found it in my writing. That alone deserved more than a cold reprimand."  
  
"But we are family." William retorted.  
  
"Siblings. What're siblings to each other? Besides, I need to travel to get more ideas. I'm running out, you know. I can pull only so much out of tiny repetitive villages and endless forests. A little bit politics will do me good."  
  
"But what about all that in your planes-- Blood ties, owing dues to your family to fulfill your duty and such?" William demanded.  
  
"William," Kai sighed, "They're plays for a reason. It's to realize the dreams of everything everyone's ever wanted to do with their life but is too scared, or too trapped, to even try. To catch the audience in their hopes, their fears, their lust, the very things that make them human, to ensnare them in their very own trap of humanity; that's the only reason to plays, the only logic to them. To realize their dreams, the morbid ones, the romantic ones, every last one, if even for a few hours. But they're still just dreams, William."  
  
Everyone stared, porridge dripping off their spoons as they held it halfway to their mouths. Kai grew red under the stares.  
  
"What?" Kai looked around nervously.  
  
"Maybe she needs a break, Will," Someone muttered, "Obviously all that solitary writing has affected her thinking."  
  
"You'd think people would be allowed to be dramatic in a playing company." Kai glared in the general direction of the voice. "Now if you don't mind, I have to pack."  
  
"Kai," Another person from the crowd replied, "You never unpack."  
  
"Doesn't mean I can't still pack." She retorted.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai looked back at the fading little town and her long-time friends fading into the distance and, though she certainly wouldn't admit it, she did feel vaguely guilty and sad about leaving them. They would have trouble finding another decent playwright. Especially not one as dedicated a her, she assured herself.  
  
She was riding her dappled gray horse, that she never usually rode just took along for the thrill of having. Right in the beginning of her career, before she was earning much money, she named it Cherry-Pie-And-Mashed- Potatoes, in case she ever got hungry. When she introduced it to Kel, who had introduced herself and Peachblossom, the lady knight looked at Kai oddly and inched away slightly. Kai preferred to call it Potatoes anyway, because its back always felt slightly lumpy.  
  
Kai looked at the road ahead of them, and then toward Dom and the man she had met in the woods yesterday, who had introduced himself as Raoul. While they seemed comfortable enough, she had no idea how many days it would take to arrive at Corus, or where she would go from there, or even what was for dinner. (Actually, the author was wondering this too) And for some reason, Kai always felt safer knowing what was for dinner. She assumed it was a playwright thing.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
It turned out dinner was bread and gruel, and Kai felt greatly comforted when she discoverd that this would be a regular thing. Dom looked at her as though she was insane when she cheered about this.  
  
"So," He remarked casually, "What brought you to the stage in the first place?"  
  
"What ever do you mean?" Kai put on the face of an innocent, over- enthusiastic beginner, "The stage, the romance, the scandal...The disco ball in the sky!" (AN: I've been planning this ever since I began spades, (It's what inspired me for the plot, actually) so I had to stick it in somewhere) Kai coughed slightly. "That is to say, I thought it was good pay."  
  
"Is it?"  
  
"Do you think there's a reason why my horse is named Cherry-Pie-and-Mashed- Potatoes?"  
  
"I'll take that as a no."  
  
"The truth is," Kai sighed nonchalantly, " I came to be a playwright because I loved to write as a child, and my brother loved to be overdramatic. It seemed the natural thing, and my parents encouraged it."  
  
"Ah," Dom seemed to have little to say, and the conversation promptly commited suicide by jumping of a high cliff. During a thunderstorm. While drinking a poison. With its neck in a noose tied to a tree. And a knife pointed at its throat. It survived. Kel came along.  
  
"Kai, looking forward to meeting the king?" Kel grinned, and Kai could've sworn there was a hint of maliciousness in it.  
  
Kai gaped like a fish. Tropical, to be exact. What breed I couldn't quite define. "I'll be meeting the king?"  
  
"Surely. He specifically mentioned looking forward to it." Kel trotted off, called over by Raoul, before Kai could even reply. Dom too, she noticed, had suddenly disappeared.  
  
"Peachy." Kai commented to no one in particular, "Meeting the king. What fun it is, making a fool of yourself in front of royalty. I've always enjoyed such sports you know."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Three days later Kai was still very much content with the gruel and bread ('Better than some things I've eaten,' She rationalized), though she couldn't understand why everyone else was so sick of it. Not that it mattered, because they had finally reached Corus.  
  
After an extremely warm welcome from the town, including much cheering and, surprisingly, most rotten apples stayed in their carts. Yet Kai felt out of place, staring at people cheering when she hadn't even paid much attention to the war. It hadn't affected ticket sales, since they were miserable before the war, so it didn't matter much to her.  
  
Another day and a half later and she was staring up at the grand walls of the palace, not sure, once more, what was going to happen next and, above all, what would be for dinner. A feeling in her gut told her to request something simple from the kitchens. 'Perhaps the king would like it better if you asked for apples on top of the gruel,' Her gut suggested. And then, on a later thought, added, 'And some blood pudding too. Can't go wrong with biscuits though. Or maybe all three.' It hadn't been fed much other than gruel in a while, and was certainly going to take advantage of the opportunity. Kai was still standing outside staring while it suggested these things. (AN: Doesn't anyone else have a stomach that requests particular things?)  
  
As she walked inside, she noticed condescending glances from boys in the hall as she tapped the mud from her boots and wiped off dirt from her olive green breeches, but decided to ignore them.  
  
She walked down the corridors with Kel and Dom chatting blithely beside her, pointing out 'And this is the pages quarters. Oh, and here's the prince's room, and your rooms are not far beyond..."  
  
Kai peered inquisitively into her rooms and found herself staring at a room more finely decorated room than she had every imagined. The bed itself took up half the room, though she couldn't see why anyone needed a bed so large you could fit half the playing company in it comfortably. There were so many mirrors that if you lit a candle you would see at least five reflections, no matter where you stood in the room, though with a fireplace so grand it would light the entire room (and with Kai's luck, set it on fire too) there was no need for candles.  
  
Popping out of the room once more, Kai nodded as though it was no less than she had expected, though she in fact felt slightly nervous that they'd given her a room she would be afraid to sleep in, for fear she might snore or something of the like. After that, Dom and Kel showed her the kitchens and the dining hall, and at last to the library. Flipping through the first few pages of several books, she soon stared at Kel in horror.  
  
"Don't you have anything even vaguely interesting?" Kai finally asked.  
  
"There's the history books. Lots of fighting and war." suggested a boys sitting at a table.  
  
"These books make even war boring," Replied Kel, before Kai could even pick up a book.  
  
"Never found it particularly interesting myself," Added Kai in a vague manner, "And that was without the textbook."  
  
The three left the library with Kai feeling slightly disappointed that a library that large contained no books of any interest. Finally, despite her strong reluctance, they finally pointed out the king's study, where he was currently waiting to speak with her. And, Kai did not doubt, evaluate her.  
  
Kai grasped the brass doorknobs with shaking hands, and considered turning around and announcing she had changed her mind. But her gut told her that she didn't have a choice. And, it reminded her, there was still good food here. It growled loudly in complaint that she hadn't gone to the kitchens yet and had missed lunch.  
  
She turned a lovely shade of red as she saw entered the room to see a solemn faced man with peppering black hair staring at her emotionlessly. She tried to introduce herself and only came out with, "I'm afraid my brain cannot be reached right now, may I take a message?"  
  
The king stared at her momentarily, apparently nonplussed. And then burst out laughing. "I assume you're the diplomat then?" He asked, between the laughter.  
  
Kai nearly glared at the man, but caught herself. "It would seem so."  
  
And then the man stopped laughing. Immediately. And raised an eyebrow. "Indeed?"  
  
"Unless I am gravely mistaken and I am, in fact, a random inexplicable person who just happened to wander into the room and wasn't informed that I wasn't the diplomat." Kai replied evenly.  
  
"And to think they thought you to be rather reserved."  
  
"Now why would they think that, after randomly being chosen to be a sacrifice to a foreign country, dragged from my current job and forced to go to the palace and meet a person I'd rather have nothing to do with and then after that supposed to waltz over to Tyra and talk politics which are exactly the thing I don't particularly care about, that I would ever be reserved? I simply don't understand." Kai plastered an obviously false, chipper smile on her face.  
  
"I take it you're not happy with this."  
  
"Why in the Goddess' name would I be unhappy?!" Her smile became a little hysterical.  
  
"If you'd rather not..." He trailed off.  
  
"If I'd rather not, I wouldn't have much choice, would I?" The smile dropped off her face as gracefully as it had stumbled on. "If it comes to that, you don't really have much a choice either, do you?"  
  
He nodded quietly. "But this is important. The results of the diplomacy will affect the entire country. Certainly you must understand that."  
  
"The war affected the entire country but it certainly didn't affect me." Kai retorted, "I imagine this wouldn't have been much different. I would scribble in a few political references, write a satire, perhaps an angst play, and then got on with my life. I've never cared about politics, why start now?"  
  
"Because..." The man hesitated. "It's important to everyone else. Shouldn't that stand for something?"  
  
"I suppose it should." Kai replied, "But it really doesn't."  
  
"So you refuse this? You won't go to Tyra?"  
  
"I never said that." Kai sighed as though she was explaining the obvious to a rather dull person, "I just said I wasn't thrilled about going; and I certainly shant have a good time. But I will go nonetheless."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"I have no sense of duty whatsoever. But I have a strong sense of curiosity. And it won't leave me alone until I find out what it's like to be a diplomat. Who knows, maybe I'll find some scandalous information about the lives of nobility in Tyra, and then write a play. The play will be fantastically successful, bringing me fame and enough money to afford a supply of ink for an entire week!" Kai posed as though she was in the middle of the final (and longest) note in the entire opera, waiting for random light to make her eyes twinkle and have the 'Shalala's pop up. When they didn't come, she coughed slightly and returned to her original position.  
  
The man was still staring with eyes like saucers, clearly thinking 'We're sending an insane woman to represent us to another country. Please let me out of here alive!'. This silence was broken by Kai's stomach growling stubbornly.  
  
"My lady," The man stood. "I don't suppose you've eaten lunch?"  
  
"No, I haven't. But I was supposed to be meeting the king here. I don't suppose you might know where he is?"  
  
The man looked at her, dumbfounded, momentarily until he recovered and introduced himself. "Jonathan of Conte."  
  
"Pleasure to meet you, surely. But where's the king?" Kai was still slightly confused.  
  
"Jonathan of Conte? The King? Surely you knew that." He massaged his temples.  
  
Kai rebounded quickly, picking up cheerfully, "Of course I did! Everyone knows that Jonathan of Conte is the king!" She laughed nervously and edged away.  
  
Before the king could say anything more, Kai walked determinedly away, praying that he wouldn't call her back and invite her to a late lunch. Luck decided to go ahead a go with this, against its better judgment, and Kai escaped safely.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Because she was still hungry-- and she couldn't find Kel or anyone she already knew-- she snuck down to the kitchens to request something to eat. The cooks gawped incredulously as she requested porridge, as though it was so simple they simply didn't know how to make it, it was far too below their abilities. At last she requested apples and cinnamon to be added and they nervously accepted that it might be within the range of complications that it could be satisfactorily made. When she at last received the porridge they had also added in several foreign spices and a sprig of parsley.  
  
After finishing what she recognized as a resemblance of porridge, only much more classy, she decided to roam about the grounds. Leaves crunching beneath her feet, she wandered aimlessly, content that there wasn't a soul around. In the distance she spotted a tall tower, looming over the trees. Trotting over to the tower, it occurred to her that it was extremely old; you could practically hear the stones crumbling away.  
  
Disregarding this completely, Kai went in and looked around, peering innocently up the winding, narrow stairs. She began to climb, each creak of the steps a reminder of its age. She reached the top a good deal of time later, rather winded and legs feeling slightly weak from the extra work. The stairs came out to a simple room, containing only a desk with many papers on it, held down by a paperweight, yet rustling loudly from the wind. Kai spotted the source of the wind: at the other end of the room was a doorless entrance, revealing rusting outer stairs.  
  
Kai walked determinedly over to the stairs and leaned against the railing, facing the room, smiling contentedly.  
  
"I can just imagine it," She closed her eyes and recounted a scene, " A girl has a love, but he's declared his feelings for another, more beautiful lady higher in court. She sobs and runs to the highest tower with him not far behind, claiming that he doesn't have a choice. She runs to the top and," Kai sighed romantically, "Threatens..." She leaned back slightly more over the rail, "to jump." She leaned back even more, "And just as her love enters the room to save her, the rail," the rail groaned, "breaks." And the rail gave beneath Kai, and she barely even flailed as she began to plunge downward.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: I think this is just the right length for a second chapter, don't you? Nice and lengthy but not droning. It had better be, because I haven't decided how I'm getting myself out of this one. I'll decide later. It's late. 


	3. Act III

Disclaimer: I'm having a garage sale this weekend. It consists of everything I own: Anyone want some lint? It's only $9.99! But really, I don't own anything legally, so... yeah.  
  
Author's Notes: Nyuh... So tired... I've finished my other fic (with some complaints on the final romantic pairing, but I'm sure you all will be a much nicer bunch of reviewers, right? No complaints from you, I'm sure-- I'll be referencing this in later chapters if I DO hear complaints) so I'm slightly out of it. But I'm dedicated so I decided to update this week (Right, right, sure thing, Utsusemi, just tell yourself that...). But yeah, this time, there's no complaining about pairings. If I hear anything, I'm giving you the worst pairing I can possibly think of (And don't try me! I can have a disturbing mind if I want to!) At this point in time, however, suggestions will accepted. Key term being suggestions.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The fall was taking so long Kai began to get bored. After all, she hadn't even seen her life flash past her eyes yet. And if that wasn't going to happen, what was the use in having a tower in the first place. Besides, she was hoping to go over the time she put snow in her brother's loincloths at least three times. About halfway through the fall, Kai decided to get some sleep while she had the time.  
  
She had been sound asleep when she heard screams below her. She lifted her head and snapped, "I'm trying to sleep here! Quiet down!" And the screams became even louder, and before she could snap once more, she noticed the ground below her. "Oh yeah, I had forgotten about that." At the moment before she collided with the ground in a not so friendly way, she landed in someone's arms, though the force and her weight forced the person to fall to the ground with her.  
  
"Are you all right, Kai?" Kel set Kai on the ground and brushed dust off her breeches.  
  
Kai shrugged, "Well, you certainly interrupted my sleep. I'm tired, you know."  
  
The crowd around her stared in awe. "You were plunging to your death!" One voice protested.  
  
"I would have managed." Kai shrugged. "I always do. I imagine this wouldn't have been any different." She yawned and walked off, leaving the crowd to puzzle over her indifference to the entire situation.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai returned to her rooms exhausted. She hadn't even finished her porridge and she was still famished. 'Come to think of it,' She wondered, 'What ever happened to that bowl of porridge?' Outside there was a very unhappy man covered in porridge and with a sore head from being hit with a wooden bowl. He had a bone to pick with Kai.  
  
Kai had just begun to snore lightly when there was a light knock at the door.  
  
"Twenty more minutes or I shove this spoon up your nose, broth..." Kai muttered in her sleep.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Kai blinked twice and awakened to a sharp face peering at her. It looked at though it had seen a bit more than would have been preferred, and there was porridge dripping down the bridge of the nose.  
  
"Excuse me? Are you the lady who was falling from Balor's Needle?" The man stared icily at her with gray eyes.  
  
"I'm sleeping." Kai rolled over and smothered her face in her pillow.  
  
"Are you?" He asked once more.  
  
"Maybe, it depends. Why do you ask?" Kai replied through the pillow.  
  
"Porridge doesn't just disappear when you want to go falling off towers, you know."  
  
"Sorry 'bout that." Was the muffled response.  
  
"Is that all you're going say about the matter?"  
  
"Prob'ly." Kai yawned into her pillow. "You want more?"  
  
She rolled over to look the man in the face. He certainly didn't look like a noble to her. Despite the fact he couldn't be over twenty-five, there gray in his hair, and he had the rough grizzle that was the beginning of a light brown beard over a sever and pale face. His overall impression was that he felt most natural slightly dirty and his clothes, covered in caked mud, probably proved this to be true.  
  
"Some thing a bit more sincere would be appreciated," The man retired to the chair in front of the vanity mirror.  
  
"You owe me a bowl of porridge. How's that for sincere?" Kai snapped in reply, "And it was still warm too. Not to mention the fact you just barged in on my sleeping time. Who are you, anyway?" She pulled the blankets around her and noticed the window open above her. "And how did you get in here?"  
  
The man grinned. "The name's Uinse," (AN: Remember him? The ex-convict? I don't believe Tamora ever described him, did she? Nor mentioned his age. But if I'm wrong, please tell me and I'll disregard it completely). The man grinned, which seemed almost out of place on his rough features. "And I think you can imagine how I got in here."  
  
"Are you a noble?" She glared at him suspiciously.  
  
"Returning from the refugee camp, New Hope. In no way a noble, miss. Ke-- Lady Knight Keladry requested that I be a guard for a woman visiting to Tyra as a diplom--"  
  
"I am not defenseless!" Kai glared at no one in particular. "How dare she think me in need of a guard! I will do just fine on my own."  
  
"And you are...?"  
  
"The defenseless lady you are so desperately needed to protect." Kai swore as she rose from her bed, Uinse staring wide eyed at her, and picked up her crossbow. "I don't tolerate this."  
  
She was about to head out the door when Uinse pointed out, very practically, that if she was going out into the halls she ought to put on more than a shift. He was promptly shoved out of the room.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
A fully dressed Kai went out in the halls hunting for Kel. She found the Lady Knight playing chess with Dom as another knight looked on, occasionally pointing out obvious mistakes of one side or the other.  
  
"Lady Knight Keladry?" Kai interrupted the game with a sickeningly sweet tone. "If I could just speak to you for a moment?" Her smile sent chills down Kel's spine.  
  
"Surely." Kel nodded and dragged herself away from the others. She looked around warily and whispered, "What is it you wished to speak of?"  
  
Kai conspiratorially leaned over to Kel's ear. "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!" She shrieked at an deafening level, "I take that personally, I do. You thinking I can't defend myself! If you were going to Tyra you certainly wouldn't need anyone to go with you as a cursed 'guard'! And I don't need one either!"  
  
"Yes well," Kel looked over her shoulder to the awestruck onlookers. "I've been trained for many years and, frankly, I certainly have no reason to believe you can defend yourself."  
  
The glare from Kai convinced Kel that even if she couldn't use a weapon she could certainly make any decent knight wet their breeches and run away in fright. The almost sudden silence after the glare terrified the group of onlookers even more.  
  
Kai smiled sweetly at Kel and, in the blink of an eye, sent a crossbow bolt quivering into the chess set, lodging itself deep into the table. "I don't want to seem unreasonable, but..." She grabbed a bow from her back pocket and reloaded the bow as Kel stared on. Kai aimed it calmly at Kel. "I'd really rather not have to worry about dragging along another person to Tyra. Accidents happen, you know, and I certainly wouldn't want an unwanted death on my hands." The implication hung in the air like the smell of a dead animal just removed. "Besides, he's obviously not the diplomatic type, and the Tyrans might not take to him kindly."  
  
"Ah. You seem to have a point." The onlooker of the chess match piped up, "You have, erm, wonderful diplomacy skills, yourself."  
  
"No, arguments just always seem to go my way." Kai shrugged. "I have no idea why."  
  
"Neal!" Kel chastised the knight.  
  
"Well, you see my point, of course," Kai looked at Kel expectantly.  
  
"It doesn't matter. It's king's orders that you have a guard." Kel looked at Kai almost apologetically, "And, of course, I will be escorting you for a period of time as well. Until I must return to New Hope."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"And I hope this isn't the form of diplomacy you plan to try with Tyra."  
  
"Of course not!" Kai drew herself up haughtily. "I have some intelligence, thank you very much." With that she nodded to each of the knights, dislodged the arrow from its place in the table, though it required quite a bit of force to do so, and swept out of the room with as much grace as possible.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai looked about as she sat nervously at an empty table in the dining hall. Around her were laughing boys and men, and even a few ladies gliding about laughing and chattering to each other. Kai felt slightly isolated, but expected no less. As a servant set down her food, she whispered urgently in his ear, "I'll trade you my dinner for yours."  
  
The servant gaped at her in surprise. "Why would you want to do that, my lady?"  
  
"I just want simple food. Please?"  
  
He vacillated between doing what was expected of him-- to insist that she ate the better meal-- and eating the best meal he would have in a long time. The meal finally won out. Stomachs have more control over people than they like to think. At last he nodded and took away the food, telling her he would have his meal for her at ten.  
  
Kai left the hall in a relieved rush, and went to wander outside. She looked up at the cold autumn moon and sighed the melancholy sigh that tends to be reserved for mooning lovers.  
  
Or at least, in her plays they were reserved for mooning lovers. Of which there happened to be a lot of. They just tended to die frequently, with rather violent, painful deaths. It wasn't her fault! Really! She didn't have anything against silly girls who went about spending their time daydreaming about a handsome prince saving them from their terrible mothers, or boys who sang terribly to their lovers about eyes of moonbeams and hair of sunshine. Really, she didn't hate them at all. It was more like she loathed, despised, detested them with all of her heart. And if the author felt like adding a list of longer synonyms for utter abhorrence, they'd fit her feelings too. But hate was too soft a word for Kai's feelings for them.  
  
Anyway, back to the main plot. Kai sighed. Yes. She started to carry on her plot from before. Obviously there had to be something about her father. He must be in great debt and must force her into marriage with an old lecher or something of the like. It was tradition. Kai grinned as she imagined her brother playing the part of the lecher. It was practically made for him, with him always trying to cop a feel on local girls in the towns they passed. It was Kai's unfortunate ailment that she was one of few women in the playing company, for she was often victim of being informed of her brother's personal life, despite much disturbance at the concept that it might exist.  
  
As she traversed the grounds, Kai was grateful for the icy silence. In all of her recent traveling there was no proper time to think without someone coming and bothering you. "You can't even fall off a tower without people bothering you about it." She muttered, "As if I was unaware that I had been falling, they go about screaming at me. I would have been fine."  
  
'And if you hadn't?' Said a tiny voice inside of her.  
  
"Then I would've been dead. I can't imagine death being extremely terrible when you're hurtling to death ground. Rather painless. A boring death for a playwright, in my opinion. When I die, it ought to be as dramatic as possible. And if it can't be, then I'll be sure to drag my death out, just to spite my murderer."  
  
'And how do you know it'll be a murderer?' The voice teased. It was that awful whiny voice that says 'What if?'s that everyone has. Kai had always tried to step on hers, but it always popped up again.  
  
"I've always gotten along." Kai replied to it vaguely. "Always gotten along."  
  
She went walking, squelching her little 'conscience'. At last she realized that it was nearly ten o' clock and the servant was probably being served his own meal right now. She smiled and nearly skipped to the servants entrance where he was waiting. He smiled and handed her a bowl of something warm, though she couldn't quite identify quite what it was and something told her she didn't want to.  
  
His parting remark was, "Don't go falling off any more towers."  
  
In the darkness, with her back turned, the servant couldn't see Kai's slightly hysterical look when he said it.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai finally returned to her room to get a decent nights sleep. Or at least, that's what she had planned. But around midnight there was a scratching at her window. She groaned and pulled her pillow over her head as someone outside belted out the worst singing she had ever heard in her life, and that included her own.  
  
At last the singing became so endurable she opened the window and threw her pillow out at the singer. Along with anything heavy she was able to find in the room. After a certain point there was a muffled mumbling and then a shout of "Sorry! Wrong window!" And the singing resumed, though somewhat more distant.  
  
Tired and pillowless, Kai grumbled and climbed out bed. She started wandering the halls, and shuddered as she remembered the clichÉ that people met their lovers in dark hallways like this. ClichÉs of the like simply didn't belong in her life. She resolved that should she meet anyone they would be severely punished for wandering about. There was a rustling behind her and she felt a chill dance its way up her spine.  
  
She whirled around and promptly attempted to crunch the offender's toes to death. Instead of the scream she was expecting, she heard an ear-piercing yowl and felt sharp claws dig into her shin and then climb their way up her, and Kai was stuck with an extremely annoyed cat clamped onto her head. She was not thrilled with this.  
  
"You little twit!" She tried to pull the creature off her head, which only resulted in it clawing tighter. "You nearly terrified me to death!"  
  
The cat only replied with a contented 'mroaw' as Kai gave up at relocating the cat to a place other than her head. Unfortunately, this meant that she was walking around the building with a cat curled up on her head. Needless to say, Kai was not thrilled.  
  
She wandered the building for a bit longer, though after a certain point the cat began to snore and Kai decided to return to her rooms. She curled up with her personal living hat in her bed and at last fell into deep sleep.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai woke to find the cat strolling about her room as though he owned it. It was a mangy calico, though his coat was so matted with dirt Kai could barely tell. She glared at briefly before dressing. She winced as her breeches rubbed against her shins where the cat had clawed her and her anger rose against the creature.  
  
"Get out of here!" She swatted at the feline, who merely gave her a look that said 'excuse me, do I know you?'.  
  
She gave up on scaring the cat and made to leave. The cat was right at her heals as she closed the door behind her. She hadn't noticed until it decided it liked her shoulder better than the ground.  
  
"Go away!" She tried to pluck the cat off her shoulder but it dug its claws in and she winced in pain. "What are you, a parrot? Lazy thing." She muttered and tried to ignore the strange looks as she strolled down the halls.  
  
She went to the dining hall and plunked herself at a lone table once more. A servant served her what looked like an extremely fancy version of oatmeal. Around her there was the chaos of people chattering, eating, arguing, but Kai ate in utter silence. A group of laughing knights passed her by, hardly noticing her.  
  
Kai had nearly finished her oatmeal when Kel came up to her. The lady knight was already sweating and looked as though she had been up for hours.  
  
"I assume you slept well?" Kel grinned at Kai.  
  
"With minor exceptions." Kai shrugged but the cat growled disapprovingly.  
  
"I just thought, uh, you ought to know, um, that you have a cat on your shoulder."  
  
"Really?" Kai rolled her eyes. "I had no idea. Do me a favor and remove it, will you?"  
  
Kel nearly retorted but caught herself and tried to pull the cat off Kai's shoulder. And failed miserably. The harder Kel pulled, the harder the tom gripped.  
  
"You see my point. If you would stop now, please. My shoulder hurts somewhat." Kel let go the struggling cat, who settled himself on Kai's shoulder once more, his tail curling around her neck leisurely. "He'll be staying with me for some time, I predict. If you could get him some milk..."  
  
Kel looked at Kai as though she were insane but nodded. Briefly after Kel left a servant came with a bowl of milk. The cat opened an eye to stare at milk. Rather reluctantly it climbed off Kai to lap up the milk.  
  
"So what's your story?" She looked at the cat expectantly and it stared back equally evenly.  
  
The silence predominated most of the cat's meal and as she watching him eat there came a silent understanding of the other for both of them. At last he finished and she nodded as he climbed back onto her shoulder.  
  
"Eventually you're coming off. And no gripping too tight with your claws."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai returned to her rooms with the excuse of packing. It took her less than a second to put her sleeping clothes back in her pack and she was done.  
  
"Packing isn't much fun when you never unpacked." Kai informed the cat. "You can't spend your time folding your clothes and imagine what wonderful adventures you'll be having, with pirates and romance and at least one suicide."  
  
The cat nodded sagely and climbed off her shoulder to pad about her room.  
  
"I haven't given you a name, have I?" Kai grinned sadistically at the cat. "Fluffy? Snowy? You know, I think Muffins suits you quite well.  
  
There was an angry hiss from beneath the bed.  
  
"Fine, fine. You're obviously right, Fluffy is much closer to your personality." Kai laughed and pulled a name out of the back of her mind. "Lear? I think Leer is slightly more appropriate to you, but Lear works better for a name."  
  
Lear made a noise that Kai assumed to be purring, though it resembled more of a pleased growl than a purr.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai left her rooms with Lear at her heels, for she had put her foot down when he tried to climb to her shoulder once more. Unfortunately, she had put her foot down directly on his tail, so he wasn't in the best of moods. Of course, he was never in the best of moods, but still.  
  
On the way to the library, she ran into a rather dignified young man. He was talking to a young woman who hid her face behind a fan and spoke quietly yet intelligently. He looked up to Kai and grinned.  
  
"Ah, our diplomat! So glad to see you've made yourself comfortable here."  
  
"Indeed." Kai replied dryly, yet was intrigued by the personality of the woman beside him, and silently swore to add a girl like her to a play. Perhaps the story she had been working on.  
  
"Of course, you will be leaving tomorrow, correct?"  
  
"I wouldn't know," Kai began fake sobbing. "No one tells me anything these days. I'm just an innocent girl! How can everyone be so cruel!" She buried her face in her hands and her shoulders were shaking from silent laughter.  
  
"Don't cry!" The man rushed to her side to comfort her, and was almost taken in until Kai snorted in laughter.  
  
"Sorry, sorry," Kai grinned and wiped tears of mirth from her eyes. "You were just so gullible, I couldn't help it."  
  
"I don't believe I've ever heard anyone call Roald gullible before now." Spoke the young woman from behind her fan and Kai thought she heard laughter in the woman's voice.  
  
"Not you too!" Roald sighed dramatically.  
  
"Terribly sorry," Kai grinned and patted him reassuringly on the shoulder, "No offense meant. Honestly. But what's this about my leaving tomorrow?"  
  
"You mean you really didn't know? You're scheduled to leave for Tyra tomorrow. I assumed someone had told you."  
  
"Well it's about time!" Kai sighed. "I've been stuck here doing absolutely nothing for more than long enough."  
  
"You're looking forward to it?" Roald's companion looked at Kai with surprise.  
  
"Of course not, but it should be at least somewhat more entertaining than being here."  
  
"You don't enjoy it here?"  
  
"Goddess, no. I have absolutely nothing to do, yet I can barely get a moment's peace. Besides, royalty and nobility intimidate me really. The king nearly terrified me half to death." Kai gasped as she realized that she was saying this to a noble.  
  
"Certainly my father did not intend to scare you." Roald looked at Kai in concern.  
  
"Your... father?" Kai looked around slightly hysterically, searching for a way out of this situation.  
  
"Roald of Conte? The prince?"  
  
"You know, I think I'll just be leaving right now. Very busy you know, packing to do, meals to set fire to... Oh wait, no, that was only when it was my turn to cook dinner at the company. Never mind. Maybe I'll just, uh, request the kitchens to set fire to something for me..." Kai grinned desperately and ran off before Roald and Shinkokami could say anything more.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai gasped for breath as she careened smoothly into the silent library. Amazingly, somehow Lear was somehow still at her heels, yet looked as though he had just been strolling along down the hall.  
  
She sighed and looked to the walls of books, none of which she would ever want to read. "What a waste of paper." She muttered and sat down to catch her breath.  
  
There were so many distractions she could hardly write, with people coming in and chatting blithely, and at last Kai gave up and left. She returned to her room with such boredom that she fell asleep, with Lear curled at her feet.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: My back hurts. I'm sure you care. But I felt like telling you anyway. So I can test who actually reads these things and who doesn't (and here's a hint: important things tend to be mentioned in here, like plans for alt. endings and such). Bai bai. 


	4. The Authoress Falls on A Banana

Disclaimer: I'm too tired to do a disclaimer this week.  
  
Author's Notes: Due to the recent holidays, I am aware that most are out of town at this point and cannot necessarily find access to a computer. I don't particularly care. I probably won't be updating next week again due to a hellish home life that will be keeping me extremely busy and miserable. Merry wishes to you all.  
  
SPECIAL NOTE TO FORTUNECOOKIE: Please stop reviewing. Continue to read if you like, but you truly get on my nerves to the point where if I met you I would probably slap you. At this point I don't want your reviews. (By the way, Kai is weird because I like her that way, not because I'm purposely avoiding Mary-sueism. I happen to like slightly weird people. Ask my friends to confirm this.)  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai groaned and blinked sleepily. And screamed in terror.  
  
"What a wake up call!" She shoved Lear off her chest. "You're ugly enough without shoving your face in front of me like that."  
  
Lear glared at her and dropped off the bed in what Kai assumed to be an attempt at snootiness.  
  
"Sod off." She glared at him and the look she received quite obviously stated that the feeling was mutual. She nudged him out of her way as she slid off the bed and landed not so gracefully on the floor.  
  
At that moment Kel tapped lightly on the door and invited herself in. "Push ups!" She grinned warmly at Kai. "So nice to know you're getting exercise."  
  
"I don't have to put up with this. I'm going back to sleep." Kai rolled over and pulled Lear over to her to use as a pillow, despite his protests.  
  
"I hope you can pay for the scratch marks in the wood now." When she received no reply, Kel kneeled down and poked Kai lightly. Kai snorted and curled up and began lightly snoring. Kel sighed and gave up, leaving the sleeping beauty on the floor.  
  
"Fine, but if you don't wake up soon you'll miss breakfast." Kel sighed and clicked the door shut.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kel walked into the dining room to see a huffing Kai nearly inhaling food.  
  
"H-How on--?! When did you--?!" Kel stared in awe.  
  
"No time to talk! I don't know when my next meal will be!" Kai stuffed a fried egg into her mouth desperately.  
  
"Noon. As always." Kel raised an eyebrow skeptically.  
  
"Well, uh, yeah I guess so. But winter's coming! I have to start preparing for hibernation!" As the food disappeared from in front of her, Kai began eyeing the people around her evilly. Several wary knights edged away nervously.  
  
"It's spring. And humans don't hibernate."  
  
"...Oh. Well, I'm hungry, and that's enough for me." Kai launched herself onto a neighbor's meal.  
  
"What happens when you starve to death?"  
  
The appeared a glint in Kai's eyes. "People suffer the consequences."  
  
A hollow silence filled the hall. "Heh heh... Good with that crossbow, are ye?" One man grinned helplessly.  
  
"I have a talent for moving targets."  
  
"Ah. Particularly, uh, running ones, I'm guessing? You know, on two feet and such."  
  
Kai smiled innocently. "Whatever do you mean? I would never hurt a soul!"  
  
"Unless she had a meat cleaver." Muttered someone from the crowd.  
  
"Actually," Kai grinned sadistically and walked over to the knight who had spoken, "I've never had a penchant for meat cleavers. Much too clumsy, if you ask me. Now, a machete, sure, those are great, but meat cleaver? Never. Besides, not good for throwing. The shape throws off aim and such."  
  
"Y-you would know best." The man giggled weakly.  
  
Kai smiled cheerfully and nonchalantly rested her elbow on the man's head. "You know, small, malignant little men like you always seem to have painful deaths. Long, with much blood and the occasional torture instrument in wrong places. Particularly when they make annoying little comments. Certainly you'll keep an eye out to avoid such things, right? You're smart enough to know that."  
  
"Oh, always miss. I'm a very careful man. Indeed, I will pay attention. You're absolutely right, miss." He began to look slightly hysterical and looked around desperately for help.  
  
"Now, run along little boy." She put on a sweet smile and tapped the man lightly on the shoulder. He nodded quickly and fled the hall. "Be a good boy and maybe I'll bring you back a present!"  
  
"Scary." Kel looked over to Kai for an explanation.  
  
"It's a talent." Kai shrugged and went back to daintily sipping her tea that had appeared out of nowhere.  
  
"You'll be a good mother." Neal clapped his hand onto her shoulder cheerfully.  
  
Kai leaned over and whispered something in his ear. The color drained from his face and he too ran out of the hall.  
  
"What did you tell him?" Kel stared at Kai with eyes like saucers.  
  
"Chances are, you don't want to know." Kai took a last sip of tea, placed it on a knight's head and asked Kel, "I don't suppose you know where a healer would be?"  
  
"Down the hall, third door on the left. Why?"  
  
"My pillow has an attitude problem." Kai nodded gracefully and as she walked off Kel noticed that Kai's neck was the appearance of a mauled possum.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The group moved along slowly. Kai plodded along on Potatoes with Uinse, Kel and several others alongside her. She grumbled and gripped her crossbow.  
  
"Off." Kai tried-- and failed-- to remove Lear from her shoulder. "I swear, cats can't have a identity crisis. Or at least be something like, oh I don't know, a fish?" The cat hissed and swiped at Kai's ear. "Healer!"  
  
"Are you particularly accident prone?" The old man who was a healer in the group walked. Even his horse seemed to hobble like an old man.  
  
"No, but my animal obviously tries to make me." Another scratch from Lear.  
  
"Perhaps you should remove him." The old man smiled weakly.  
  
"Do you think I haven't?!!" Kai hit the man over the head and began hyperventilating hystericallly. The old man wheezed and fell over. "If anyone suggests I take the damn cat off my shoulder one more time I sick Lear on them!" She inhaled violently and glared wildly at everyone.  
  
"Perhaps," Kel trotted over to Kai, "You should try some breathing exercises. Breathe in.... Breathe out..."  
  
"Shut up or I shove the cat up your nose."  
  
"She has anger issues..." A voice whispered in the crowd.  
  
"You'd be insane too if you had my life too."  
  
"Early traumatization?" Neal piped up.  
  
"You don't know the half of it." Kai looked dramatically to the sky, and the stage affect decided to show up at last. "As a child, I was abused by my brother. [switch into flashback mode here please] I was a starving little girl, bruised and beaten. And then, one day, I looked up... and my savior was there!"  
  
"Savior?" Kel gave Kai a deadpan look.  
  
"A 'Eating contest' sign." Kai sighed and the 'sparkle-sparkles' surrounded her eyes.  
  
"Eating contest?"  
  
"Eat the most and eat free, lose and pay the tab."  
  
"Why am I not surprised..." Kel sighed and shook her head.  
  
"Stomach of steel?" Uinse suggested.  
  
"Platinum." Kai retorted.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The group stopped at nightfall. Kai stretched on some grass leisurely and stared up at the stars.  
  
"There's hunting to do." Uinse tossed a bow indifferently to Kai.  
  
"If I am to be treated as a lady, with a defender and such, then I shall act as one." Kai sniffed daintily.  
  
"Then act like a lady." Uinse muttered and picked the bow up from beside Kai.  
  
He walked off into the woods icily, leaving Kai glaring at nothing.  
  
Uinse had been hunting for twenty minutes with no luck. He spotted a shaded figure standing off in the distance. He watched silently as the person aim a crossbow at him.  
  
"Kai, if trying to get revenge for my crack earlier, you're failing miserably."  
  
The figure ran towards Uinse and before the ex-convict could react the figure was gripping his throat.  
  
"You know Kaides Green? Is she here?" The figure took off it's hood to reveal a man in his mid-twenties with dirty blond hair that fell into his green eyes. His features were feminine to the point where, should he don a ball gown he could pass as a mysterious beauty. It was the authoress' opinion that pink suited him, but he disagreed and thus many bad things happened to him. They didn't get along very well. He tightened his grip and continued on once the authoress decided she had finished his description. "Take me to your camp. Now."  
  
"Why?" Uinse glared at the man.  
  
"No reason that I will tell you. Show me."  
  
Uinse rammed his fist into the man's stomach. The man doubled over and glared the authoress because he was tired of being called 'the man'. She shrugged.  
  
Suddenly a rustle sounded from nearby brush and Kai appeared from behind it. "Jamie?!" She recoiled and snapped her crossbow up.  
  
The man drew away from Uinse. Suddenly arrows were flying past Uinse's head and he dropped to the ground just as one from Kai's direction whizzed past his ear.  
  
"It's been a long time, hasn't it, Jamie?"  
  
Uinse realized Kai's voice was coming from high above and his stomach sank as he realized that she had climbed a tree quicker than a cat. Yet arrows continued flying as Kai notched her crossbow in record time. Yet the darkness resulted in most of the arrows missing, but Uinse could have sworn he heard several thuds of arrows driving into a person.  
  
"Stop calling me Jamie!" The man shouted as he shot an arrow into Kai's neck. Uinse watched in terror as she gasped and fell backwards out of the tree. The authoress was tempted to describe it in slow motion but was far too lazy and changed her mind.  
  
Kai crashed into a brush and, much to Uinse surprise and horror, struggle to stand up once more. She wobbled slightly and muttered a curse. He winced as the two launched themselves at each other and then suddenly stopped.  
  
An icy silence filled the small clearing, only heaving breathing sounding out.  
  
"It has been a long time." The man nodded. "You've improved."  
  
"Nonsense," Kai grinned into the darkness, "You've just gotten worse."  
  
"How kind of you to say so."  
  
Uinse stood to see Kai pressing her loaded crossbow in 'Jamie's' neck. Her other hand held the back of his neck so he couldn't back away. The two nodded briefly and, before Uinse could say anything, embraced each other strongly.  
  
Uinse stared on with saucer-eyes. "Anyone care to explain this?"  
  
"No." The two shrugged and walked off to the campsite.  
  
"Or at least why Kai isn't dead from the arrow?!" He shouted after them.  
  
Kai glared back at Uinse. "Do you know how much bandage I have on my neck from that damn cat of mine? It's thicker than armor! Besides, it was from such a distance that the strength of the arrow wouldn't have hurt that much either way. Though I will have a bruise." She turned her angry glare to 'Jamie'. "As if my neck wasn't abused enough as it is."  
  
"Sorry. But would you call me James? Not Jamie.... That's the worst nickname a man could have..." James looked pleadingly to Kai.  
  
"Oh no it's not." Kai grinned sadistically, "Of course, if you'd prefer I change it..."  
  
"Then again, I think it's a lovely name." James grinned nervously. "Suits me wonderfully, don't you think?" He looked to Uinse for support.  
  
"No," Uinse raised a skeptic eyebrow. "I think 'Bunny' fits you more."  
  
"Or Fluffy..." Kai nodded meditatively.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kel looked at Kai expectantly when the she and the two men entered the clearing where everyone had been camping for the night.  
  
"And this man is...?"  
  
"A brigand I worked with a few years ago."  
  
"You've worked with thieves?" Kel crossed her arms like everyone's mother when she wants an explanation for why you didn't come home until three in the morning last night and didn't even clean your room even though you promised, no I don't care that you have homework, if you don't clean your room this instant young lady you'll be in so much trouble, I'll...!  
  
"Only when I want a good meal." Kai shrugged like the daughter who's avoiding saying she was out last night with the boyfriend the mother doesn't approve of.  
  
"Good meal?"  
  
"Are you kidding? Jamie's the best cook! Besides, he's cheap."  
  
Uinse looked at her with a disturbed look in his eyes. "I never knew you were... I'll just, um, sit over here-- that is-- I mean--"  
  
"Not like that!" Kai glared at Uinse. "He's cheap to hire to build the stage! Pervert."  
  
Kai slung her crossbow on her shoulder and headed towards her tent. James smiled and tapped her on the shoulder. They looked towards the tent in unison and Kai sighed.  
  
"Not on my watch." Kel intervened.  
  
"Not on your watch what?" James looked at Kel. "I'm going to sleep now." He entered Kai's tent leaving a cherry red Kai to deal with Kel.  
  
"I can't have you together on this trip. No matter what the history." Kel started towards the tent to pull James out.  
  
"No!" Kai grabbed Kel by the arm. "It was a bet. A long time ago, there were never enough tents so the group would bet on things to decide who got to sleep inside and who was stuck outside. During winters and rainy days it was particularly coveted. He was the last person to win the bet, so this time I have to sleep outside."  
  
Uinse grinned. "It's due to rain tonight."  
  
"Remind me to stick you with a wet, cold and extremely unhappy Lear around midnight. I hope you don't mind a few scratches. It won't do much to mar your face, since it wasn't very pretty in the first place."  
  
Uinse glared and went to his tent. At last Kel shrugged and left Kai as well. Just as the lady knight tied her tent flap closed, the first drops of rain began. Lear hissed and used Kai's ankle as a scratching post.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
James woke to find Uinse and Kai glaring at eachother wordlessly. Uinse's face had red lines covering it and he was muttering darkly. Kai was drenched from head to toe and shivering. She too was muttering under her breath, though it was more of a hysteric rambling sort of mutter.  
  
"You didn't have to go and stick the cat in my tent!" Uinse finally commented.  
  
"I said I was going to!" Kai shouted in reply. "It's not like I wasn't going to keep my word!"  
  
"I didn't think you were serious!" Uinse retorted.  
  
"When am I not serious?!" Kai glared at Uinse indignantly.  
  
"Always, that's when!"  
  
"You are insufferable!" Kai finally stood and stomped off.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"We left your dear friend back there. Are you mourning his loss?" Uinse glared at Kai.  
  
"Oh, shut up. I could care less."  
  
"That would explain your heartfelt good bye. I could have cried."  
  
"Then you're not familiar with the term 'acting'. James and I loathe each other."  
  
"So he's James, now?"  
  
"Only when he's not around. I only call him Jamie to annoy him."  
  
"It's always comforting to know you can judge a person according to how she treats others." Kel inserted.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Impressive." Kai looked up at the castle dryly. "These Tyrans certainly are extravagant, aren't they?"  
  
Kel shrugged as she looked up at the magnificent towers and turrets. The group began walking down the road that led to the castle of Tyra that had more curves than a supermodel.  
  
At last they came to the drawing bridge and wondered desperately how on earth you actually managed to get the castles attention. Knock on the door? Trouble being the door was across the moat.  
  
"Does anyone know how to swim?" Kel looked around the men.  
  
"Haven't seen a proper moat in _ages_!" Kai spouted admiringly in the background. "Everyone these days is a cheapskate! But any decent castle really ought to have a moat. Ooh! I have to record the details!" She whipped out a collection of various scraps of paper, some of which had 'Eggs, milk, gruel, bacon?, bread' on the back. She began scribbling furiously and ignored everyone else as a pathetically stupid knight attempted to swim across the moat while still wearing armor.  
  
"I see you appreciate the moat. It's so uncommon to see someone who takes notice of such details. It's so tedious." A voice came from behind Kai and she nearly died of fright when she turned to see a young man stand only a few inches away.  
  
"Personal space invasion!" She shrieked, "You've popped my bubble!" (AN: You know I had to say that.)  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
Kai took three large step sideways and smiled cheerfully. "I prefer to breathe my own air, not someone else's, thank you very much."  
  
The man was decent looking though not as feminine as James, in the Authoress' humble opinon. He had chocolate brown hair to match his eyes and he bowed formally as Kai took in his thin form in expensive clothing.  
  
"And you are?" She eyed him warily.  
  
"Grant. A pleasure to meet you, truly." He bowed once more.  
  
"Your highness! You're out of the castle!" Suddenly Kel popped up beside Kai.  
  
"I was hoping to greet you. Who is this beauty?" He smiled warmly at Kai.  
  
"Funny, I wouldn't consider calling her that." Uinse piped up from a distance away, though still apparently much entertained by the drowned knight's stupidity.  
  
"I'm Kaides." Kai edged away from Prince Grant. Royalty always made her nervous which would be a problem when she began the discussions.  
  
"A beautiful name." He attempted to grasp her hand.  
  
"Please stop that." Her grinned became somewhat hysterical as she pulled her hand out of his reach and began looking around for an escape.  
  
"She would be the ambassador. Of course, several of us will be staying with her. For some period of time, at least." Kel added.  
  
"Such a beautiful woman is involved in politics? How terrible." Grant was obviously going for a 'captivating smile' to draw Kai in, but it fell upon blind eyes as Kai turned and attempted to run into the moat and drown herself.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: Several people have commented on Kai's character. She is the way she is less because I write her and more because she writes herself. And to the person who said Kai was like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, I would like him/her/it (Let's not assume these things, shall we?) to know that I have never even seen the movie so it'd be kind of hard for me to draw inspiration from him. And if she's weird (coughcoughfortunecookiecough) then you've got to be pretty damn normal (and thus boring) to have something to say against it. Todays chapter comes to, for those who care (I know you don't) 3000 words. It's a fine length for me. 


	5. A Plot Vaguely Developes

Disclaimer: Boring from here on out. I ran out of good disclaimers in my last fic. I didn't even own some of my disclaimers. I like to think I own Kai and a few others, but it's more likely they own me.  
  
Author's Notes: I'm sorry this chapter is late, but my life has been on the spectrum leaning towards 'living hell.' Read on.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
After a piteous suicide attempt to drown herself in the moat, Kai was dragged into the castle. She was nearly shoved into her rooms by Uinse who hissed "You must have a death wish if you do anything stupid," as he slammed the door shut.  
  
"Hmph!" Kai drew herself haughtily. "To think I, of all people, would do anything stupid!" As an after thought, she added, "Does putting fireworks under the king count as stupid?"  
  
She prepared to bounce out of her room in an irritatingly cheerful fashion when she discovered the door was locked. "Huh, you'd almost think they didn't me going out!" She rolled her eyes. "Tch. Pathetic." She walked over the fireplace and muttered, "Come on, cliché plot devices, work for me." She pulled on a decorative on the fireplace and waited patiently. After that she fiddled with bookcase, twiddled with floorboards, prodded the walls of the closet.  
  
"What sort of castle is this?!" She finally shouted in frustration. In desperation, she grasped the door handle, braced her foot against the wall, and pulled with all her might.  
  
Apparently the door opened in, contrary to Kai's belief's. "Ow... My head..."  
  
"Are you coming or not?" Uinse glared at her from the doorway.  
  
"Depends. Where to?" Kai rose from her fetal position.  
  
"Dinner? I thought you enjoyed dinner."  
  
"I'd rather not." Kai made a face.  
  
"And offend the King and Prince? My dear lady, you must not refuse!" Uinse rolled his eyes and dragged Kai by the arm to the dining hall. "Never though I'd see you refuse a meal."  
  
"Oh, shut up. You've known me for less than a week." Kai snatched her arm back. "And I'm not hungry."  
  
"Ah, my lady," Grant slid up behind the two silently, "Just the woman I wanted to see. But you must not come to dinner in breeches and such. I would die before seeing such a beautiful woman in such disgusting clothing."  
  
"Oh really?" Kai replied impassively, while mentally adding 'The sooner you die the better'. "Well," She sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid I simply have nothing else to wear."  
  
"My father wouldn't hear of it."  
  
"Oh dear, is he deaf?" Kai continued to smile as Uinse jabbed her in the stomach sharply.  
  
Grant stared at Kai for a second too long before bursting into laughter.  
  
Kai joined in with the tinkling laugh of a refined lady before adding, "My, what false laughter!" This time Kai nearly doubled over from the not- so-hidden blow from Uinse, before she continued on laughing. "Uinse, you must be more careful. You are simply so clumsy!" She giggled and held her hand daintily to cover her laughter as she slammed her heel into Uinse's toe.  
  
By the time the three reached the dining hall, Kai's laughter had the hints of hysteria and Grant's of annoyance. Uinse was simply glowering.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai stared at the meal prepared before her. Two courses had already flown past without her taking a single bite. She smiled weakly as a third course was brought out and placed before her.  
  
"I really couldn't..." She looked around hopefully for some sort of dog to eat her meal.  
  
"Why won't you eat?" The King glared at her indignantly.  
  
"I, uh, had something to eat before this?" Kai searched her comrads nervously for support.  
  
"We certainly didn't feed you anything." Kel shrugged. "Our last meal was at noon, remember?" She stared at Kai incredulously as the playwright poked the meat as though it was an alien object.  
  
"Something must be wrong for Kai to refuse food." Uinse scoffed.  
  
Kai nearly glared before catching herself and piped up, "Exactly! I'm, uh, feeling terribly sick! I must go to my rooms to lay down!"  
  
Kai rushed out of the room before anyone could argue. And she did indeed head to her rooms. The eat some food she had begged off the royal kitchens in Tortal just in case.  
  
She had spoken to Jamie in private before he had left. When she mentioned she was going to be seeing the Tyran royalty, he had given her a far more realistic view than anything Kel had told her.  
  
He referenced what had happened to previous diplomats, including several poisonings and 'convenient deaths', which Kai only thought about when she added them in her plays. Jamie was leaving because many thieves threatened to turn him in, and he had heard what happened to prisoners. He was, the authoress considered, one of those people who considered his body a temple. Jamie, wherever he was right then, glared at the authoress and insisted he did not, he just preffered not to be roasted on an open fire.  
  
Whether Jamie was roasting or not, Kai didn't want to become a 'convenient death' and refused to eat any food given to her formally. She would look to the kitchens here for help, if need be. They probably wouldn't poison her. Probably.  
  
Once she was satiated, Kai wondered if there were any tall towers around the castle. High places helped her think.  
  
She had wandered to the door before remembering the moat blocking her way. "I guess this is why people stopped having moats," She grumbled, "No one can get in, but no one can get out, either. What a pain."  
  
Then the little light bulb pinged on in Kai's head. The authoress plucked it out of the air. "Anachronisms aren't allowed." She glared at the little bulb and stomped it to death with a vigor not known to the passive. "Anger management is good for you."  
  
Anyway, back to the plot. Kai figured how to get to the grounds. As is traditional in castles like this, there is always a side way in, usually from the kitchens. She grinned and decided to just 'collect a few things' while in the kitchen. After that, she could swim the moat. Unlike anyone trying to get in, she wasn't wearing full armor and a sword.  
  
She walked into the kitchen with confidence that all the servant would be gone. Yet instead she saw a quiet group muttering darkly, with the occasional hysteric laugh inserted in.  
  
'None of my business.' she thought, before trying to sneak past silently. Yet the instant she reached the door, each and every head flew up in unison and stared at her.  
  
"Trying to listen in, eh?" One, with wild eyes and a grizzled look, glared at her.  
  
Kai glared right back. "Oh yes, I was trying to listen in on your extremely boring conversation while standing right here, out in the open, right by the door of which I was planning to leave by. I'm that stupid, really I am."  
  
They all nodded they're heads, once more in unison, to the point where Kai was slightly disturbed and wondered how they managed it.  
  
"And why would you be spying on us?" The same man glared.  
  
"I wasn't!" Kai shouted, "I was trying to go outside! Haven't you people ever heard of something called, oh say, sarcasm? I could care less about your little conversation, so long as it doesn't involve," Her voice calmed down slightly, "a, my death, b, the sudden cease of provision of my meals, and c, any implications of insanity involving me. In other words, unless it involves me, I don't really care." She thought on this for a moment. "Wait, no, if it involves the death of a certain irritating prince of whom I will not specify beyond the fact that his name might just, oh say, happen to be, by pure coincidence... Grant? Then I'm more than interested, I'd help." She looked to them hopefully.  
  
They all stared at each other and whispered amongst themselves for a moment before she heard "obviously psychotic," with several looking towards her. Kai rampaged over to the group and hit the man who had said that over the head violently.  
  
"Only slightly," She glared.  
  
The group blinked once or twice before the apparent public speaker of the group eyed her warily before asking, "I don't suppose you'd be that diplomat girl, would ye?"  
  
Kai eyed him equally warily before asking, "Depends. Why do you ask?"  
  
"We was ordered to put some poison in yer food... later this week. But yeh seems to be a decent lass. Intelligent. I, unlike the king, appreciate intelligence. Would yeh like somethin' t' eat? I was told yeh refused the meal. Ye're aware of the poisoning rumors then?"  
  
"A little bird told me," Kai scoffed.  
  
"Ah. But we've decided we like you." He nodded solemnly.  
  
"Slightly psychotic!" The man who Kai had hit over the head giggled insanely.  
  
"With him, that's a compliment." A girl piped up.  
  
"Ah." Kai looked at the group. They seemed more collective than each person an individual.  
  
"Feel free to sit in. We're forming a worker's union. Demanding minimum wage and such." The speaker smiled, though it was more of a leer.  
  
"Uh, no thanks. Really." Kai smiled weakly before slamming the door behind her.  
  
She inhaled the brisk air and smiled into the darkness. "Closest thing to freedom I'll be getting until I leave this place." She stripped off her shift and tied it around her waist. She dived into the moat and crashed through a thin layer of ice. The coldness engulfed her and she was shivering before she had even taken a stroke. She watched in horror as she saw her shift float down into the murky depths.  
  
"Great. Just great." She muttered before shivering and continuing to swim across to the other side. She tried not to imagine what things lurked beneath the surface as she swam on.  
  
Once on the other side she realized the mistake of not attempting to retrieve her shift from the bottom of the moat. She felt like an ice cube as she attempted to rub heat into her arms.  
  
"Having a skinny dip?" Kai jumped at the voice behind her.  
  
"Wouldn't you wish, Uinse. Sorry, but no."  
  
"Then what were you doing exactly?" He smiled cockily.  
  
"Attempting to go for a walk. There was no other way to get across the moat."  
  
"Except for, maybe, the boat."  
  
"Boat?" She glanced around and found a small row boat resting at the edge of the moat. "You used it to get across then?" She glared at him. "Before or after I swam my way across?"  
  
"Before." He laughed. "I've been out here since dinner ended. Which, by the way, was delicious, since you weren't there."  
  
"Thank you so much. I appreciate the kindness, especially since I'm freezing to death here."  
  
"Your own fault. I probably would have brought the boat back for you."  
  
"Oh yes, 'probably' you say. I definitely believe that." Kai rolled her eyes.  
  
"I would have!" Uinse defended himself.  
  
"With the honor of a knight defending his castle, I'm sure. Now shut up and give me your shirt."  
  
"What?!" He backed away and gave her a terrified look.  
  
"It's the gentlemanly thing to do. Give it here." She held her hand out expectantly.  
  
He eyed her warily. "I suppose... Since you're bound to catch cold if you don't something decent on, and Kel wouldn't be thrilled with that." He took off his shift and handed it to her.  
  
"Thank you ever so much." She smiled sweetly. " Now GO AND DIE!!" She booted him into the moat and threw his shirt into the middle of the moat.  
  
"What was that for?!"  
  
"If I'm cold, then damn it, you have to be cold too."  
  
Uinse glared and drudged himself out of the moat. "You have some mentality. I shouldn't have given you that damn shirt."  
  
"Probably. But you were still gullible enough to." Kai shrugged and smiled mysteriously. Then she crawled into the boat and began to row to the other side.  
  
"Don't leave me here!" Uinse plunged into the water after the departing boat.  
  
"Tell me why I shouldn't!" Kai shouted back.  
  
"Because... because I have a heater in my room!"  
  
The boat slowed to a stop. "Do you really?" Kai eyed him warily.  
  
"Honestly, I do. It's got coals. It's for the colder nights."  
  
"Oh, fine, get in." Kai balanced the boat as a sopping wet Uinse climbed in.  
  
She rowed the boat silently to the shore and followed Uinse inside. The 'union group' was still meeting, and none but the 'slightly psychotic' man looked up as she passed by with Uinse.  
  
"Did you have your run-ins with them?" Kai asked once they had left the kitchen.  
  
"The man who giggles a lot runs a chill down my spine. Something about him just bothers me."  
  
"Huh, he seemed fine to me. He was rather friendly, though in an irritating way. So, where're your rooms?"  
  
"Why do you want to know?" He looked at her suspiciously.  
  
"One word. Heater. Do you know how cold I am?"  
  
"I could only imagine," Uinse rolled his eyes.  
  
They walked on for a bit until they came to his rooms, which happened to be right next to Kai's. She peered into the rooms and saw a discreet door with an embellished handle.  
  
"Where does that door lead to?" She snapped at him.  
  
"Uh, well, they, uh, that is..." Uinse stumbled slightly and turned pink. "They knew you had a guard, so they arranged it so he would be next to you and could, um, gain access to your room. I knew you wouldn't be thrilled, but I didn't have time to tell you."  
  
"Or didn't have the will to tell me. I won't even ask why you thought you might need it. Just keep out of my room. Where's the heater?"  
  
"Over here." Uinse pointed to a small coal heater that could barely radiat more than a two-foot radius.  
  
"Wonderful. Forget it. I'm going to my own room." Kai slammed the door behind her.  
  
Twenty minutes later she came back huddled in five blankets to warm herself in front of the heater. "I'm really cold, all right?"  
  
"I hadn't said anything." He smiled and shook his head.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
The next morning the king smiled warmly as Kai nervously ate her food. But her servant was the young man who giggled, and murmured a lot, and Kai was reassured to know that the worker's union was controlling what went into her food.  
  
Kai shivered and sneezed once or twice during the meal, yet it seemed each time she made a movement everyone would look up, stare at Lear for a moment, shake their heads disbelievingly before returning to their food. This consistency bothered her, as if there was something that brought everyone's attention to her. Eventually she realized that Lear was openly preening himself while sitting on her shoulder and by this point everyone seemed to think the cat was an extra appendage.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
At last, breakfast ended and the diplomatic sessions began. Kai edged herself into a seat across the table from a man who could probably count the number of times he'd smiled on one finger. He frowned even deeper when he saw her pathetic attempt at a supportive smile.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He snapped before turning down to his papers. "Where is the diplomat from Tortall? I do not tolerate tardiness."  
  
"I'm the diplomat." Kai replied icily.  
  
"No, you're not. Women are not diplomats." He still did not look up.  
  
"This one is." Kai retorted.  
  
"Leave now."  
  
"I stay to speak with the king. I cannot leave until the sessions are over."  
  
"Leave. The king will not speak to you. He has no interest in seeing you."  
  
"And I'm to take your word on this? The king has seemed far friendlier than you."  
  
"He did not realize that you were the diplomat."  
  
"Oh? Then what was I there for?"  
  
"We assumed you were the...lady the diplomat was involved with. You stayed with him last night, did you not?"  
  
"What?!" Kai stood, knocking her chair back violently. "In no way am I involved with him! He's a pain! My guard, which I don't even need!"  
  
"Oh?" The man raised an arched eyebrow skeptically. "I will ask him personally. I prefer to hear the words from someone honest. A man."  
  
Kai's eyes darkened. "You have no right to speak to me like that. Leave or I will insist that my guard remove you."  
  
"Perhaps it shall be the other way." He nodded to several men standing that Kai hadn't noticed before. They moved forward and lifted her out of her seat. "You are not wanted here anymore." The men didn't even drag her, they just lifted her into the air and took her out of the room, with the man following.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai struggled and kicked as the men carried her down several flights. At last they set her down at last when they had brought her into a room from which the sallow faces of men leering out of the dim light. A chill ran down her spine as one grinned at her presence.  
  
"These men will enjoy your company for the evening. I hope you enjoy them as much as they'll enjoy you."  
  
The man smiled and barely closed the door before one guard whispered, "Lord Evander, the King will not be pleased with this."  
  
"Silence."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Kai looked around to the various faces that peered out of the light. Several had scars that stretched across their entire face, and others had ulcerated eyes that seemed to look everywhere at once. One man limped out of the darkness, on his single foot and the stub that had once been his foot, into the ruddy light of the solitary lamp.  
  
"Would ye like some tea, dear?" He held up a pot and a dainty cup. "I can see ye is at ill in our presence. Perhaps some tea would calm ye down."  
  
"Depends," She glared. "What do you mean by tea?"  
  
"I mean would ye like peach tea or earl grey. It's not a difficult question miss."  
  
"Is it healthy?" She continued to eye him nervously.  
  
"It keeps us on our feet. Well, foot, in my case." He grinned, revealing a mouth that resembled nothing more than a comb that had been fished out of a river ten years after being dropped. Many men laughed coarsely behind him.  
  
"It's all right. I'm... not that thirsty."  
  
"Crumpets then? We have a lovely variety of biscuits as well."  
  
"I wouldn't dare eat anything of your meager supply of food."  
  
"Oh, it's not meager at all. Really. You see, there is an escape hole in the back. We just go out every few weeks to buy a supply of sweets and such. Really. And we use the lamp to heat water for tea. Quite sanitary I assure you." Once more he grinned, yet this time it was more affectionate and reassuring to Kai.  
  
"I'm simply not hungry," She sighed. "I had breakfast not two hours ago. But perhaps around noon? What time do they bring food?"  
  
"Never. But I assure you, we'll be eating the same food you do. I understand you're worried, but we're not the type. Well, some of us are, but they will be properly detained by the rest of us."  
  
"You must be the friendliest bunch of murderers ever." Kai rolled her eyes.  
  
"Kai?" A soft voice came from outside. It sounded like someone she vaguely knew but couldn't but a finger on who.  
  
"Kespin!" Several men grinned and rushed to the door. "Any news?"  
  
"Plenty, none that is of importance to you. Let me speak to Kai."  
  
Kai was ushered to the door by the prisoners. Through the eyehole she saw an eerily familiar face. The 'slightly psychotic' man was peering with his hazel eyes through the peephole.  
  
"You?!" She jerked back in surprise.  
  
"Me. I would be Kespin." He sounded exhasperated.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~  
  
Author's Notes: I know I'm late by over a week, but things have been really hellish. I'll try to get the next chapter out soon, but I have finals, plus a lot of family problems so it may be another two weeks. Sorry. 


End file.
